Victory!!! (Sometimes I'm a little roller coaster)

YEeeeeeeeeah! So I had Math class tonight. One of everyone at SFAI's dumbest class. Good thing we all didn't take things too seriously, cause it was soooooo good, and a lot of people presented work in ways that they most likely would have never tried. It was pretty stupid, but pretty awesome. There was a moment it felt like high school, maybe even middle school (Smh). We all just became really teenage.
I guess it was just something about presenting whatever to the (asshole of a) teacher, but giving just enough effort to salvage your reputation as an educated artist, that made it all fun.

I really really really like the piece I did! I made it in less than an hour (ssshhh!). It is a video, but mostly audio piece I did that last about ten min, but I may shorten it. I'll post it up tomorrow.
Maybe it was just the fact that we knew that our work wasn't gonna be viewed so critically, but just plain ol' seen/heard/experienced. That's it. Quite refreshing. I'm supremely appreciative of the wealth of formal critique I've gotten here at SFAI, but feels damn good sometimes for people just to enjoy what you give and move along.
(Man, I be writing a lot these days....)

Though this last math class was unexpectedly fun, as was the work shown, it is definitely NO testament to it's shitty teacher. (That's not cool. I was all talking Jesus Jesus, and God this n that in the last post, now look at me. Roller coaster, I tell ya...lol)
Please, SFAI, kick this dude out and keep people from wasting their time and money.
We don't need to pay for not learning anything.
We can have people see/hear/experience our work and move along for FREE!
(hhhah - aaah)

Well, til tomorrow, Sleepy times for me

Peaces!
Peace
peace

So I wanted to go out with a bang

Just a short one (cause I really need to get to school). I was feeling like venting because of my performance yesterday, I htought, was so bad. I'm still glad I got it out my system, but I'm wondering was it did I really need to do that anyway? I didn't sing so well and conceptually the context felt really awkward. For the performance I sang "How Great Is Our God" while playing my guitar. It lasted kind of long, but that's ok....but I kinda wish it didn't. It just sucks struggling as an artist/christian/person trying to figure out and give in to doing exactly what you like and need. It sucks not being affective in the way you dream of (unifying people), but rather affective in making people uncomfortable... Was never my goal. So that's just where I have perceived myself to be unsuccessful. It happens.Best thing is to just get up when you fall. And keep believing, even when all the optimistic talk sounds so cliche that you wonder if it's true.

I have a friend, Michelle, who has seemingly dedicated to believe in and stand behind her art no matter what. So if people like it or even if they don't, she's always gonna love it. I hope someday soon I too can reach beyond believing I need people to validate the success of my work or even of my life. Since I've been here at SFAI (in San Francisco), a lot of my performance work has dealt with me attempting to connect with people...sometimes more than others on a really affectionate level. I'm tired of trying. I give up. I "give it over to Jesus, and I stop worrying about it. Gave it over to the Lord. He worked it out." God knows my heart. I'm gonna trust him with where I'm going. I'm thinking if only I would have let go a bit and just done the (bright,colorful, crazy, bombastic) work I love to do (knowing truely that God loves and approves of , and will guide me) all that social "experiential" stuff would come with it. I could look back on all my efforts and failures at trying something new and cry at how much I think they sucked, or I could be thankful that I got through that part. I can be proud that I tried. I stuck my arms, head and legs outside of the box enough to clearly see what I really want. All that's left now is to go for it!
I'm alright!
Aaah no downward spiral today. no!
I just really needed to vent.

I talked to J about how I hated my performance and how awkward it was, and she mentioned that possibly the reasons for me being moved to do it are not yet revealed. (I'm sometimes hesitant to mention "God" in the religious sense, now because I get a little confused or misunderstood)

It's helpful to know I'm not the only misunderstood person here in this dept:
I found out this morning: It's the national day of prayer. Obama allowed it to go forward today, despite the ruling of it being unconstitutional because of separations between church and state. There's no public ceremony. Obama's praying in private. You can read more here:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20004321-503544.html

It may not be for some, but I could sure use to pray. But that would be any day. Not just today.
I just want some peace and knowledge of self. Peace peace peace. God bless us all.
Off to school now.